Change is never easy. The more gray hairs we’ve earned, the harder it seems to alter deeply ingrained behavior patterns. Recognizing areas for improvement is a major part of the transformation process. Sounds like a step out of the pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous manual. For me, it is addressing my perfectionist tendencies. Operating in a way that is efficient is so much more productive for me and a calculable time saver. I’m not shy admitting that sometimes this can lead to going a touch overboard and impatience. No doubt my family members would expose me for having high expectations for them and myself included. I acknowledge it and continually work on it. Giving myself the space to transgress is part of the evolution. I’ve always loved puzzles, and like solving a jigsaw puzzle, trying different ways to fit the pieces together broadens my experiences and exposure to more resources for my toolbox. Oddly, I have loads of patience for my clients, yet I am aware that I must work on self-patience and taking an extra breath or two before approaching some family members. Baby steps. Hard lessons too.
Why am sharing this? Have you ever noticed that once you focus on something your attention will be called to every mention of the topic? In fact, during this journey, eerie coincidences seem to pop up with frequency. Prior to our move to Oregon once the relo was in motion, nearly every day I would spot Oregon license plates in Texas or hear mentions of locales in Oregon on tv or in social media. Previously I had nary given Oregon a second thought. My ears were perked. With my lens focused intently on perfectionism, my senses pique with marketing slogans to attain the PERFECT body. Create the PERFECT home. I know, it’s simply marketing lingo. But the subliminal messaging is distressing and stressful. We put immense pressure on ourselves and more than enough demands upon our time to achieve desired levels of performance, body shape, visage, and aesthetic environs without scoring perfection. Anorexia, bulimia, anxiety, overwhelm, irritable bowel, migraines, pharmacology reliance, drug abuse, alcoholism, divorce, even suicide are by-products of falling short in some way.
But…if we lean too much the other way, our lack of performance or control can lead to job loss, income depletion, unsanitary living conditions, hoarding situations, obesity, you get the picture.
During my workshops and you may have noticed in my previous blogs, I enjoy delving into the concept of balance. Why? Because no matter the topic: politics, commerce, the environment, our biology, everything works better in balance. If we drink too much water, we can suffer from hyponatremia which can lead to organ failure, seizures, or possibly death. Conversely, if we don’t drink enough water, we become dehydrated. Eating too much food leads to obesity, too little or the wrong foodstuffs may cause malnutrition. You probably knew all that already. Well, maybe not the term “hyponatremia”.
Yin Yang illustrated from the Tao Te Ching [2] Translation by J H McDonald*
Taoisms’ Yin Yang Balance leads to complete wholeness
When people see things as beautiful,
ugliness is created.
When people see things as good,
evil is created.Being and non-being produce each other.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low oppose each other.
Fore and aft follow each other
What’s all this got to do with organizing? Again, it is all about balance. Organizing is not about perfection, in fact, the intent is nearly the opposite. It should make your life easier, enable you to get things done faster, out the door on time, bills paid prior to due dates (unless $$ is the issue). If you are struggling to start an organizing project or maintain systems for fear of doing it incorrectly, that is paralyzing. Your to-do lists will remain long if you spend an obsessively, inordinate amount on one task. If you have let things go to the point of hyperventilating overwhelm, that is paralytic too.
I wish to point out that the title of this blog references “Recovering,” not Recovered. Each day, I’m confronted by situations in which I need to make a conscious decision about how precise I wish the outcome. Like any addiction, the compulsion to achieve perfection with our bodies, our homes, our work can be overpowering. Yes, I want to do the very best I can, I have high standards for which I do not wish to compromise especially when serving my clients, but I also know that it is ok to let some things slide a smidge. If my home is not absolutely perfect when a guest arrives (and believe me this used to freak me out), I trust that their homes are presumably not glossing the pages of Architectural Digest, at least not every day. That helps to take the pressure off. My bathrooms are reasonably clean, there is always room on the sofa, and they will never trip over objects (unless I am rehearsing for an event, then it’s fair game), and no dishes are piled in the sink or counter. But the dust, well, my tables and entertainment center may not pass the white glove test if windows have been open. Keeping on top of my household chores does save time down the road. I do fancy myself as an efficiency expert, more palatable than perfectionista I guess. For instance, I am, well to put it bluntly, anal about wiping down my shower surround after every use. It’s 3 years old, and looks brand new. 2 minutes each day is worth hours of the cure if mildew, mold, and waxy streaks build up on the glass or porcelain tile.
I also recognize that ADD tendencies have led to life-long carelessness issues, and I could choose to continue to beat myself up over them (and still frequently do), or acknowledge that in my earnestness to get through my to-do list, I sometimes hustle through more rapidly than I should. How does that square with perfectionism? Not very well indeed!
And now, to steal a quote from my June 2017 blog:
Unrealistic expectations can cause immense stress and action paralysis. There is no need to keep your home perpetually camera-ready. Ask yourself, am I at peace in my home? Can I easily find what I need? Can I accomplish tasks at a reasonable pace? If you answered yes to these questions, chances are you’re golden. Surrender the perfectionism to magazine covers. I’m working on it, you can too.
For now, I grant myself the latitude to recognize and accept when “good enough is good enough” unless it makes my life more difficult in the long run or doesn’t adequately serve others in the manner they deserve.
* Tao Te Ching Chapter 2 Translations tao-in-you.com/lao-tzu-tao-te-ching-chapter-2/
