Emotional Experiences & Symbolic Expressions

Please note before proceeding, I’m not a medical practitioner.  Consult with your doctor for diagnostic and treatment options related to any health conditions.  That being said, suppose you’ve been on an endless pain relief scavenger hunt.  Despite concerted efforts, you’re no further with symptom abatement.  Maybe it’s time to step outside conventional boxes.  Physical and/or psychological incapacitation keeps us stuck.  You’re unable to do the things you need to accomplish or wish to do.  What if there is potential for a reprieve, no matter how slight, at no cost to you except for a few minutes of time?  Would that be life-altering?  If nothing else, the data that you gather from this blog series might offer possibilities for a more informed, comprehensive understanding.  Use the information for future conversations with your well-care practitioner(s).


The Back Story: Up & Over A Wall of Uncertainty

Change for the better is often hard. Taking critical steps can be more difficult. This blog series has been in the works for months; it wasn’t ready for release. I wasn’t ready either. Other topics came first. Were they more important? More relevant? Was I stalling? It was a mix of all three. I faced a big wall of fear and uncertainty that held me back. Finally, I started this month’s draft at my ‘Get it Done’ event, using the group's energy to help me step forward as they knocked out their own tasks. I hope the same magic continues at the October 2 'Get it Done' event.

We're gonna slowly unpeel this series over the next few months. Or however long it takes. Or how deep I decide to delve.  This month, I introduce you to

  • What led me here
  • Why I decided it’s imperative to share
  • Where we’ll head next 
  • I’d love for you to stay with me. If not, that's okay. Whether you're here for a little while or a long time, my aim is to provide beneficial info that gives you or someone in your life a more hopeful outlook.

    My courage to use my keyboard grew after reading books and listening to interviews by conventionally-trained medical doctors. I was surprised by their confessed reluctance to publish non-conformist scientific findings. They’re leaders in their fields; however, sharing can risk their reputations. I admire that they pushed past their doubts. I’ve learned a lot from their research and insights, as well as from others who have stepped forward. Their data validates some of my previous learning and normalizes my own concerns sharing with you. If the experts feel unsure, I can’t blame myself for feeling the same way. We all have different reasons that hold us back. For me, there’s

  • Stepping outside my expertise as a professional residential organizer and neurodiversity coach. 
  • Imposter syndrome as I dive deep and expand outside my scope into a different, much more technical forum. 
  • The content itself.  Any time information falls outside of commonly accepted ideologies and practices, hackles raise.  Heck with the depths and expansiveness of the research, anecdotal evidence, and years of collective experiences.  Embracing beyond what we know or believe is undeniably prickly.  More importantly, when any bottom $$$ line is threatened, counter information and forces get louder.  There’s space for different perspectives and an endless variety of modalities.  Having choice feels hopeful when you’ve reached a seemingly dead end but your pain (however it presents) hasn’t subsided.

  • Then Why Go There?

    Why go to risky places?  Imagine what you might discover?  How your life could change for the better if you only take the next step?
    Image by Antonio López

    So why do it?  Why did I choose to take the risk?  Like those doctors/authors, the power of information to potentially help others to reduce, or who knows, possibly eliminate a speck of suffering is potent.  I’ve been so grateful for those like my own super knowledgeable, compassionate, and relentless health practitioner. She’s always thinking far beyond the textbook box. She refuses to give up even as we slam into wall after wall.  That optimism sparks just enough in me to go another step further. Now let’s go a little further here. Let’s explore what your body is trying to say.

    What’s Your Body Saying?

    Read through the instructions in order to do this exercise with your eyes closed for greater focus. 

  • Grab a scratch paper and pen/pencil. 

  • Seek a quiet location where you won’t be disturbed by others or encounter distractions.  A bathroom is groovy if it’s your only respite. 

  • Situate into a comfortable position.  Sit, stand, lie down, whatever works for you and your circumstances. 

  • With your eyes closed, slowly breathe. 

  • Tune into any areas of pain or non-pain discomfort such as dizziness, itching, skin conditions, brain fog, even chronic insomnia.   If there’s more than one condition or sensation, make note of each.   If you’re concerned that you might forget, stop and write down anything you observe.   No doubt, you're thinking that you want to run away from the pain, throbs, aches instead of focusing on them.   No need to dwell, just observe and notate.

  • Along with actual physical pain, are there sensations like flitting kinetic energy or any heaviness in your stomach, behind your eyes, or around your sinuses?  Anything weighing you down?

  • After taking inventory, zero in on one location at a time.  What’s going on there?  A pain? Throb? Tightness?  Chronic ache?  Does it only occur with movement or certain positions?  What’s the intensity on a scale of 0-10?  Does the intensity ebb and flow?  Is it acute, following a recent injury such as a twisted ankle?  Or has it been lingering for ages?  How does it impact your life?  Does it slow you down?  Prevent certain activities?  Or ignorable?  Is the feeling there all the time?  Most of the time?  Occasionally?  Only when the area is activated or irritated? 

  • How would you describe it to a doctor or to a friend?  Give it a label, the first thought that comes to mind (don't over analyze, yet. Is it “a pain in the neck,” “chronic nausea,” “reflux,” “itchy rash,” “urinary frequency,” “anxious energy”?  

  • Repeat this exercise for each location of discomfort or distress.  Again, if it helps, write down whatever comes up.

  • Once you’ve finished, take a look at your list.  If it’s blank, congratulations!  I totally envy you.  I encourage you to keep reading because:

  • Someday you might need the information
  • Chances are there’s someone in your circles dealing with chronic conditions   

  • Spot the Metaphorical Connections

    What labels did you assign to each condition? Do your labels reveal meaningful insights? How so? Jot notes if it helps you to remember or make connections as we go deeper. After listening to many symptoms and stories in my circles, I detected interesting links. Read the following 3 stories from my work and personal life. To protect confidentiality, I've used random initials, except for my own. See what comes to mind.

    Anecdote#1-“Pain in the Neck”

    For over five years, E. M. has struggled with chronic neck pain and limited movement in her head, shoulders, and neck. Her discomfort periodically escalates into severe pain, affecting her daily activities. She has explored nearly all medical options with various specialists. Surgery may or may not be appropriate for her condition with no consensus among the surgeons. The specific condition remains unclear due to inconsistent diagnoses from different specialists.

    shoulder neck pain

    Her shoulder, back and neck pain is real, no doubt.  Heightened stress appears to correlate with increased soreness, stiffness, and inflammation.

    Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

    Regardless, due to age, diagnostic uncertainty, and other health risks, she has chosen not to pursue the knife.  Furthermore, doctors can’t assure a successful outcome with any degree of conviction.  She surmised the risks outweigh uncertain benefit.  A few weeks ago, one orthopedic specialist was confident that a series of cortisone injections would provide temporary, if not, long-lasting pain cessation.  Sadly, the injections intensified the pain and further compromised movement.  I sympathize with her when she flinches while trying to turn her head. Her hand supports her head and neck when she tires. The pain is tiring.  The pain is real, no doubt. 

    She often talks about her “pains in the neck,” which include issues with a problematic personal relationship and life challenges like tech problems, downsizing possessions, dealing with customer service, and global issues. These stress her out. A mere mention in conversation, she reaches for her neck, her body becomes tense, and her movements slow down. She admits she seldom shares her thoughts, and usually goes along with what others want. She acknowledges a correlation between heightened stress and neck stiffening. She noticed when’s she’s ailing, her tenuous relationship is supportively kind the way her loving parents treated her in childhood.

    Anecdote#2-“The Obesity Cloak”

    R.S. has struggled with obesity for years. She eats very little, takes long daily walks. She was recently prescribed a popular weight loss medication for a five month duration. No success, so her doctor stopped it. Gaining weight was a side effect of other medications she took in the past and discontinued. Even after discontinuing those medications, the weight didn’t come back off. The extra weight is causing her physical pain and emotional distress. Her frustration is clear. Her life feels limited as her weight increases.

    During one coaching session, she had a profound realization while thinking about past big ‘T’ traumatic events. She wondered if her body is shielding her with protective layers.  I asked her what she meant.  She said “If I’m not desirable, no one will look at me.  Extra padding and cellulite are protecting me, but not appreciated.  I’m swaddled in cellulite.”  Wow!  Is her body actually trying to protect her while simultaneously causing so much pain?  No idea.  Possibly worth further exploration when she’s ready.  Nothing else seems to be helping.

    Anecdote#3-“Sick to My Stomach”

    Here’s one of my stories. In future blogs, I'll discuss more burdensome long-term challenges and how I’m addressing them.

    I wasn’t an outdoorsy kid.  Nevertheless, I played outside all the time with the neighborhood kids.  I made mud pies.  Although, I had my limits like clean bathrooms, escapes from slithery or stinging bugs, and a bath each night.  At 8 years old, my parents enrolled me in summer camp.  Seemed fun enough.  On the first day, mid-morning, I felt very nauseous leading to continual vomiting bouts. The counselors thought I had eaten food spoiled by the summer heat and humidity. Day after day, this repeated throughout the term. There went the spoiled food theory along with everything I had eaten in the last 12 hours. Ironically, vomiting dispensed me to the bug-infested bathrooms, which completely grossed me out. On a rational level, I had no problem being at camp.  In fact, I quickly became the volleyball champ, a sport and recognition I truly enjoyed. I learned to use my new instamatic camera inconspicuously grabbing shots of my campmates in action. 

    instamatic camera

    Instamatic really?  Kodak instamatic.  Point, shoot, wait a long time for the 36-photo roll to finish, send the negatives to the developer, and anticipate the photos arrival in the mail.  How times have changed. 

    My volleyball status and budding photography skills were little comfort to my stomach.  Here’s the kicker, on the last day, I was absolutely fine from morning onward.  My counselors celebrated my long-awaited digestive success.  Don’t cheer for me yet.  The closing festivity obstacle course was a blast. I was gratefully relieved my body let me join the fun.  I exuberantly ran the course, stepped off a low-balance beam nearing the finish, and landed in a hornet’s nest.  Both legs were zapped up and down with painful stings.  I ran screaming for help.  The counselors likely thought I was having a more intense digestive upheaval after concluding a vomit-free day.  Dang, my inner Sherri knew there was danger. Outdoor Sherri had her limits.

    Making the Connection

    Our brains will go to great lengths to protect us even when it makes no sense on a rational level.  Our primative limbic systems were designed to activate for fight, flight, or freeze under threatening conditions. It’s what kept cave people safe from dangers such as sabertooth tigers. Those who didn’t activate in time or as fast as their cave mates, perished. Having this internal safety mechanism means life or death, theoretically.  In modern terms, it’s what gets us to jump back onto the curb before we’ve had a chance to process that a bus is swerving toward us on an icy road.

    What happens when we get locked into a constant state of fight, flight, freeze or possibly fawning?  Fawning is exaggerated flattery not uncommon in states of discomfort for some people who cringe in social arenas or in moments of unease. What if the limbic system is misfiring or overfiring?  What if it doesn’t shut off? Why does it think it’s unsafe when there’s no apparent danger?  How does all this relate to emotional dysregulation? Does that dysregulation inevitably affect our physical being? There are many questions. Lots of advancements have been made in neuroscience, neurology, psychology, anatomy, et. al. Yet so much of the brain remains mysterious.

    I have more to say about how emotional ups and downs relate to long-term health issues. For now, take some time in the next few days to reflect on the labels you've given to any ongoing challenges that make daily life tougher. Consider if these labels, like “the news makes me sick to my stomach” or “she's a pain in my neck,” “I can’t look in the mirror, I look gross” connect to your current experiences, like your feelings, tough times, or personality traits. This insight will be valuable as we move forward. In fact, in future issues, I’ll list personality traits that appear to predispose or coincide with emotional/physical malady connectivity.

    Next month, I will pick up where we’re leaving off. Stay tuned.